the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
