Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (2729)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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  (806): Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day. http://tfl.nu/6xwz
  Replies (6) Good night (2524) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.

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  (203): he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/z649
  Replies (27) Good night (6459) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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  (407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk
  Replies (33) Good night (1555) Bad night (4575)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Acid is not a monday night drug

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  (614): Acid is not a monday night drug http://tfl.nu/0lf0
  Replies (44) Good night (1741) Bad night (4187)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5861) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10989) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.

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  (970): Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9pof
  Replies (17) Good night (1047) Bad night (5294)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

  (509): View more from Washington

  You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

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  (303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd
  Replies (7) Good night (3877) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'

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  (585): eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch' http://tfl.nu/cs24
  Replies (7) Good night (2643) Bad night (1497)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

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  (920): It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo http://tfl.nu/s2q1
  Replies (2) Good night (1150) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.

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  (661): There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind. http://tfl.nu/kx07
  Replies (9) Good night (1729) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home

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  (217): i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home http://tfl.nu/a1xk
  Replies (3) Good night (919) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We don't watch enough power rangers

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  (305): We don't watch enough power rangers http://tfl.nu/xqyy
  Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?

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  (218): is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle? http://tfl.nu/11e9
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (288)

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