I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this