Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?