Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat