Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa