Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
