I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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