I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
