Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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