It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
