ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
