You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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