They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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