You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
