Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
