Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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