if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
