im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
