Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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