I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
