I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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