I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
