Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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