You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
