weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
