I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize