Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
