I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
