i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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