All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
