Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
