you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
