I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
