We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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