I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
