Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
