Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
