ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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