Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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