Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
