i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
