I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
