I look better un-naked...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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