we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found the puke drawer
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
