we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize