Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
