Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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