my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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