I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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