dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you never un-have a 4some
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
