apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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