Don't make out with my wife yet
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
