just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Vodka?
Forever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize