God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
