what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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