The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
