I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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