Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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