i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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