How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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