Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize