I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
