pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
