omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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