Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
