Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
