new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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